How do I know if my boss has a crush on me, attracted to me?
I need to say to you that this is one of the most interesting and controversial treads we have on this blog.
Mind you, don’t take all my points and advice as fully professional. If you are truly in this shoe, you may need to see an attorney or a counselor.
Also note: the article assumes your boss is still single and not married.
Firstly, you need to understand there are so many ways bosses can show how much they value your work without meaning they are crushing on you. It may happen in the following ways:
Ways bosses can show how much they value your work
- They give you compliments on the work you’re doing.
You can not expect compliments all the time, and some people are just not great at giving them, but if a boss does give you a compliment be very grateful. They notice your work.
- If you’re recognized for a job you have done at team meeting, they’re going above and beyond to show you how they like the work you’re doing for them.
- Often to show the team they’re valued, they’ll bring in lunch or have a special event for everyone. It may not show you directly you’re valued but, it does show the team is valued and you’re part of that team. Remember they don’t have to give you this perk.
- Some bosses can give a direct feedback like, “you’re great” others are not as obvious but if they are giving you more and more responsibility they value your work and trust you’ll get it done right.
- Sometimes they may even give you some extra time off to show how much they valued the work you did. This small perk of time costs them money and impacts the bottom line for them. They won’t give you time off if they don’t think what you have done for them is over the top.
- Prizes, tickets to events, a chance to attend a conference you may have wanted to go to, and more, are all ways bosses will show you how much they value your work.
- Others things like a warm smile and good morning hello say “I’m glad to see you.” It’s not always feasible to be giving out prizes and time off etc. but just recognizing you and acknowledging your presence in larger firms is a way of saying “I know you, you’re great, keep up the good work.”
That being said, If all the things mentioned below pertain to you, there are all chances you can be/ you’re attracted to your boss, thereby making him to crush on you.
- You are a human being
- He/she is a human being
- You are attractive, seductive, charming, beautiful, young or charismatic
- He/she is sexually active with an ability to reproduce
- You explicitly do not draw the boundaries of what is allowed and not allowed
- He/she is professionally immature
- He/she is emotionally weak
- If you allow it
- If the pleasure of the relationship is more than the pleasure of the career.
What are the signs to know that your boss has a crush on you?
- -Your glances become locked eyes (did his pupils dilate?)
- -Casual, light touching. People don’t casually touch your hand or shoulder for no reason at all. They want to get close to you.
- -They want to get close to you so they either stand by you, or lean in towards you to move closer.
- -They remove small, insignificant barriers. Is there a glass or coffee cup on your desk when he walks up? Does he move it aside?
- -If you catch him staring at you, does he smile back?
- -Does he mirror your body position? Body language? (you have your hands folded on the desk…he folds his hands on the desk across from you) etc.
- -Does he verbally mirror you? Use the same words conversationally?
Read the story of a contributor
There is a job I had and my boss kept coming into my office to discuss the production schedules.
Even though no changes were ever made or even suggested in these meetings and well, production scheduling was my responsibility, not my boss’.
You’d think that if it was just to know what I was doing, I would either have been called to the boss’ office or asked to send the details over in an email.
About half the time, the boss closed the door to my office while coming in although there was no confidential plans to discuss.
The boss would often sit on the edge of my desk during these discussions.
I guess sitting in one of the chairs across from my desk would have given a feeling of reversal of roles, with me behind the desk and the boss in a chair facing me from the far side.
Since sitting on the other side of my desk did feel a little bit odd, the boss then started coming around and sitting on the end of my desk.
After a few weeks, she started sitting on my side of the desk beside my chair.
Sometimes the boss would lose balance for a second doing this and have to touch my shoulder to prevent falling off.
Sometimes the boss sat so close to me that the knees touched my arm and instead of quickly moving away, the pressure was steady.
The boss almost always wore a tight skirt when doing this and almost always sat on my desk with her knees facing me.
They were too close together to actually flash me but still it was teasing me for a peek.
She often leaned in close to me when talking too. Not quite far enough to reveal her cleavage but far enough that it was hard not to look just in case.
I’m pretty sure my boss was attracted to me but she was careful enough not to say it in so many words so it never progressed any further than the above.
What can you do? Can you take the relationship further?
The ball is in your court. If you want to take this further then that is not his/her responsibility.
But it should be tread very carefully. Wait for this guy to make it happen.
Remember – right now everything is romantic, sweet, lovable and nice.
One day when the romance, the magic and the honeymoon phase is over – that is when the pure hell breaks out.
And that is where all the problems begins.
So is this worth it?
However, if the relationship is more important – ask your boss to help you get a better job else where and then continue the relationship without any problems.
Also remember: he could possibly be or have been like this with many women, many new employees to the company.
How I met my wife
I met my wife at work (I was senior to her, though I was not her boss at that time.
But the moment we got married, I realized that, she will be the boss at all points of time).
Thanks to god, we are now happily married. Last year she started school for her masters and had to resign from our company.
There are many couples where this is working.
I have seen many cases where this worked beautifully. It’s about understanding and complementing each other.
If you believe that your boss understands you both personally and professionally and cares for your personal and professional development, then either she/he is a very good boss or he/she may be interested in you beyond a professional relationship.
You can find out for sure by asking personal questions about his/her personal plans and dropping hints about your own future plans.
All the same, the hash advice of most people has always been:
“Be cautious, especially if you have to ask the question”
You are putting your job in jeopardy. Owners and upper management tend to side with their supervisors in workplace drama.
If your job is easily replaceable and you don’t mind people talking about you behind your back, then straight up ask him.
Pick a time when you KNOW he is flirting with you. Say, “I get the feeling there is something special going on here between us. Wanna see where it goes?”
That gives him an opportunity to say yes or to say no. If he says no, I think he will just be flattered and you can return to work the next day without feeling like you creep on him.
I hope this article has helped you to understand the nuances of this matter and has helped you in making uniform decision.
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People also read: How to Fix Communication Problems in a Long Distance Relationship